My way to Universal Deen Islam
Dhu al-Qi'dah 14, 1430 A.H, November 02, 2009
By Abdul Ghaffar Jubair
Part (1):
My conversion to Islam began in my eighth grade year. There was a Muslim student
by the name of Raphael who first told me a little about Islam. At the time he
was not so knowledgeable about Islam, but he put the initial interest in my mind
which never went away.
In the ninth grade there was another student by the name of Leonard who claimed
at one time or another that he was a Muslim but he was more or less a 5 percent.
The one thing he did do was to give me a pamphlet on true Islam which increased
my interest in Islam. I didn't hear much more about Islam until my tenth grade
year.
That year me and Leonard would sit in the back of geometry class and blame all
of the world's problems on white people while we would exalt the status of black
people above all other races. At that time in my life I thought that Islam was
the religion for black people, but unfortunately the Islam I was talking about
was nothing more than black nationalism with a slight touch of true Islam. It
was very similar to The Nation of Islam. As time went on I began to see that my
black nationalist views and my perception of what Islam was about became tired.
It was useless to hate almost all white people and to blame this on Islam.
Around the same time I totally denounced Christianity as my religion. I got
tired of the unintelligible doctrines and the many contradictions within the
religion.
The next year of high school I was conversing with a few students about religion
and they told me to buy a Qu'ran so I did. I went to the nearest bookstore and
bought a very poor translation of the Qu'ran but it was the first real look into
the truth about Islam. Within a few weeks I took on the beliefs of a Muslim even
though I hadn't taken shahadah yet. Most of what I was doing concerning Islam
was wrong because I never had a chance to go to a masjid because my mother
totally forbade it. As time went on I finally got an Abdullah Yusuf Ali
translation of the Qu'ran which opened my eyes to so much about Islam.
In the meantime my mother was doing everything in her power to prevent me from
embracing Islam. She took me to see her preacher three times which was of no
avail. As time passed I began to learn more and more about Islam from various
books I could get my hands on. I finally learned how to make salat correctly
from one of these books. My mother was still trying her best to make me become a
Christian again.
My mother and I would frequently argue about religion until one day my mother
had enough and told my dad that I was going to have to live with him. He had
absolutely no problem with this. The day after I graduated from high school I
moved in with my dad. I can see now that my parent's divorce was actually a
blessing in disguise. Their divorce provided me with a place to live in which I
could practice Islam freely. My dad had no problem with my interest in Islam.
One day I called the Islamic Learning Center in Fayetteville and a brother by
the name of Mustafa told me to come down for the Taleem (lesson) to learn more
about Islam. Everybody was extremely hospitable and Mustafa even gave me a ride
home. After three weeks of going to Jumuah (Friday congregational prayers) and
Taleem I finally took my Shahadah on July 2,1995. Ever since then I have been an
active member of the Islamic community. I am also very pleased to say that
Raphael (the person who gave me my initial in interest in Islam) got back to
Islam seriously and took shahadah a few months before I did. We still keep in
touch even though he is in England.
October 28, 1996 I was born in an ordinary,
non-religious Swedish home, but with a very loving relationship to each other. I
had lived my life 25 years without really thinking about the existence of God or
anything spiritual what-so-ever; I was the role model of the materialistic man.
Or was I? I recall a short story I wrote in 7th grade, something about my future
life, where I portray myself as a successful games programmer (I hadn't yet even
touched a computer) and living with a Muslim wife!! OK, at that time Muslim to
me meant dressing in long clothes and wearing a scarf, but I have no idea where
those thoughts came from. Later, in high school, I remember spending much time
in the school-library (being a bookworm) and at one time I picked up a
translated Qur'an and read some passages from it. I don't remember exactly what
I read, but I do remember finding that what it said made sense and was logical
to me.
Still, I was not at all religious, I couldn't fit God in my universe, and I had
no need of any god. I mean, we have Newton to explain how the universe works,
right?
Time passed, I graduated and started working. Earned some money and moved to my
own apartment, and found a wonderful tool in the PC. I became a passionate
amateur photographer, and enrolled in activities around that. At one time I was
documenting a marketplace, taking snapshots from a distance with my telelens
when an angry looking immigrant came over and explained that he would make sure
I wasn't going to take any more pictures of his mum and sisters. Strange people
those Muslims...
More things related to Islam happened that I can't explain why I did what I did.
I can't recall the reason I called the "Islamic information organisation" in
Sweden, ordering a subscription to their newsletter, buying Yosuf Ali's Qur'an
and a very good book on Islam called Islam - our faith. I just did!
I read almost all of the Qur'an, and found it to be both beautiful and logical,
but still, God had no place in my heart. One year later, whilst out on a patch
of land called "pretty island" (it really is) taking autumn-color pictures, I
was overwhelmed by a fantastic feeling. I felt as if I were a tiny piece of
something greater, a tooth on a gear in God's great gearbox called the universe.
It was wonderful! I had never ever felt like this before, totally relaxed, yet
bursting with energy, and above all, total awareness of god wherever I turned my
eyes.
I don't know how long I stayed in this ecstatic state, but eventually it ended
and I drove home, seemingly unaffected, but what I had experienced left
unreasonable marks in my mind. At this time Microsoft brought Windows-95 to the
market with the biggest marketing blitz known to the computer industry. Part of
the package was the on-line service The Microsoft Network. And keen to know what
is was I got myself an account on the MSN. I soon found that the Islam BBS were
the most interesting part of the MSN, and that's where I found Shahida.
Shahida is a American woman, who like me has converted to Islam. Our chemistry
worked right away, and she became the best pen-friend I have ever had. Our
e-mail correspondence will go down in history: the fact that my mailbox grew to
something like 3 megabytes over the first 6 months tells its own tale. She and I
discussed a lot about Islam and faith in god in general, and what she wrote made
sense to me. Shahida had an angels patience with my slow thinking and my silly
questions, but she never gave up the hope in me. Just listen to your heart and
you'll find the truth she said.
And I found the truth in myself sooner than I'd expected. On the way home from
work, in the bus with most of the people around me asleep, and myself adoring
the sunset, painting the beautifully dispersed clouds with pink and orange
colours, all the parts came together, how God can rule our life, yet we're not
robots. How I could depend on physics and chemistry and still believe and see
Gods work. It was wonderful, a few minutes of total understanding and peace. I
so long for a moment like this to happen again!
And it did, one morning I woke up, clear as a bell, and the first thought that
ran through my brain was how grateful to God I were that he made me wake up to
another day full of opportunities. It was so natural, like I had been doing
every day of my life!
After these experiences I couldn't no longer deny God's existence. But after 25
years of denying God it was no easy task to admit his existence and accept
faith. But good things kept happening to me, I spent some time in the US, and at
this time I started praying, testing and feeling, learning to focus on God and
to listen to what my heart said. It all ended in a nice weekend in New York, of
which I had worried a lot, but it turned out to be a success, most of all, I
finally got to meet Shahida!
At this point there was no return, I just didn't know it yet. But God kept
leading me, I read some more, and finally got the courage to call the nearest
Mosque and ask for a meeting with some Muslims. With trembling legs I drove to
the mosque, which I had passed many times before, but never dared to stop and
visit. I met the nicest people there, and I was given some more reading
material, and made plans to come and visit the brothers in their home. What they
said, and the answers they gave all made sense. Islam became a major part of my
life, I started praying regularly, and I went to my first Jumma prayer. It was
wonderful, I sneaked in, and sat in the back, not understanding a word the imam
was saying, but still enjoying the service. After the khutba we all came
together forming lines, and made the two 'rakaas'. It was yet one of the
wonderful experiences I have had on my journey to Islam. The sincerity of 200
men fully devoted to just one thing, to praise God, felt great!
Slowly my mind started to agree with my heart, I started to picture myself as a
Muslim, but could I really convert to Islam? I had left the Swedish state-church
earlier, just in case, but to pray 5 times a day? to stop eating pork? Could I
really do that? And what about my family and friends? I recalled what Br. Omar
told me, how his family tried to get him admitted to an asylum when he
converted. Could I really do this?
By this time the Internet wave had swept my country, and I too had hooked up
with the infobahn. And "out there" were tons of information about Islam. I think
I collected just about every web page with the word Islam anywhere in the text,
and learned a lot. But what really made a change was a text I found in Great
Britain, a story of a newly converted woman with feelings exactly like mine. 12
hours is the name of the text. When I had read that story, and wept the tears
out of my eyes I realized that there were no turning back anymore, I couldn't
resist Islam any longer.
Summer vacation started, and I had made my mind up. I had to become a Muslim!
But after all, the start of the summer had been very cold, and if my first week
without work was different, I wouldn't lose a day of sunshine by not being on
the beach. On the TV the weatherman painted a big sun right on top of my part of
the country. OK then, some other day... The next morning; a steel grey sky, with
ice-cold gusts of wind outside my bedroom window. It was like God had decided my
time was up, I could wait no longer. I had the required bath, and dressed in
clean clothes, jumped in my car and drove the 1 hour drive to the mosque.
In the Mosque I approached the brothers with my wish, and after dhuhr prayer the
Imam and some brothers witnessed me say the Shahada. Alhamdulillah! And to my
great relief all my family and friends have taken my conversion very well, they
have all accepted it, I won't say they were thrilled, but absolutely no hard
feelings. They can't understand all the things I do. Like praying 5 times a day
on specific times, or not eating pork meat. They think this is strange foreign
customs that will die out with time, but I'll prove them wrong. InshaAllah!
Submitted by a Mujahid